HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
