Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
