I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
