you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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