i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
