We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
