I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
