I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
