wakey wakey hands off snakey
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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