You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
