I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
