What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
birth control should be required to get into college
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
