party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
