He is an equal opportunity slut.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i came on her dog
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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