apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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