You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
