You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
