You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
