I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
