he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
