You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
