I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
