She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
