Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
