i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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