Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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