Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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