she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
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Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
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Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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