This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
