I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
