I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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