Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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