So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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