hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
