I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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