just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
