fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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