Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
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your like the ambassador to my penis.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
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What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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