they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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