I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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