she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
