I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
