you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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