Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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