i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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