I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
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He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
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There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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