This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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