I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
