WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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