take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
