Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
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her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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