You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
