I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
