Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
