Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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