hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
