You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
