Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
