Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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