I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
