And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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