So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
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So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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