your room smells of hookers.
And success
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
time to smoke my breakfast
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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