so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
