he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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