Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
