so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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