I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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