Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
