escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
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the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
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You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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