ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
