Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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