I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
