he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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