That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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