dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
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She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
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It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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