Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
