a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
