just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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