was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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