Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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