There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
