Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
