Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
