OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
