and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
